Most of the suffering of being a friend, wife, CEO, mom, entrepreneur and pretty much any role I or my clients play in life is a direct result of either 1) not knowing oneself intimately enough to say "The Hell with You" to the doubters or 2) putting on such a wonderfully convincing show of perfection that most everyone around you believes it.
I try hard to cut to the chase of being real and confident in my initial contact with clients because I really want to get to the well of a solution and their relationship with their soul desires of the ego is often one of the hardest roots to soften. My desire to sooth your soul while gently placing this in your line of sight is tricky because sometimes, the victim voice inside a stressed out mind wants nothing more than to blame someone else for the chaos. We avoid the obvious triggers we can control like the black plague. We all do it and boy that ego hates to feel a sense of blame pulsing in her own circulatory system.
Take a Look and forgive
So let's keep it simple and supportive. Look at yourself from a distance for just a moment and Just drop the blame game. Just accept your are done with that heaviness of avoiding the view and get off that depressing and frustrating stress bubble. Take the reigns of that giant pink elephant in the room, look her in the eyes, send her some love and walk her calmly out the door. She is obstructing your path to freedom in your life and you know it. I know, forgiveness, vulnerability, shame. Each of those emotions is very hard to admit but letting them go is an an obvious solution. The resistance is normal. It is exactly why you may be working with me but the blame game? She is a beauty of a dame which hides the ugliness of the reactive ego. Listen, she fight dirty to hold onto that mask. She will blind you with her smile but you need to get into a much more intimate and loving relationship with her to ever truly get her to willingly let down her guard. So how can you begin to truly tend to that inverted ego and befriend that elephant in the room of chaos you just may be responsible for creating? Well, let me make it profitable to you. How much energy could you save if you redirected all that effort you put avoiding the obvious issues in a much more productive avenue and highly strategic way?
Number 1: Understand and Embrace Your Ego
Understand, she is protecting you at some deeper level so let's not hate her. In a loving voice she needs to hear you say it, " Please sister, get off your high horse ,or in this case the high elephant, and let that elephant walk away. Be bold. Look in a mirror and say "I am stressed out because I allow the myself to stay amongst the chaos." Yikes. The sting of that leads us into the next step fast.
Number 2: Resist the urge to say the "But I can't control....." sentence.
Again, take a step back, is that the truth or your convenient story? The next time you hear those words leave your mouth, stop, wait a moment and breathe out long and strong 5 times and then reassess how you feel. The problem has not changed but has the way it feels in your body become different? Can you deal with the stress of confrontation and make it work anyway? Will you allow it to? I remind you, you are the captain of this stress ship . You have the right to say "No"in how it will affect your body and in doing so, you control the chemistry in your brain and can ease your mindset in the process of dis-ease in dealing with the threat. You already have the tools to navigate how it affects your inside chemistry so we are going to practice "Owning it" exercises. Can you say...
Can you ask yourself to have that lifestyle?
Number 3: Unconditionally Love YourSelf Enough To Recognize Self Sabotage
Are you willing to tell yourself, "I unconditionally love you, but girlfriend, you are smart and gifted in avoiding the work" in your own guru goddess kind of way? Step off the high you get playing life from the angle of a victimized ego. Resist her power over your life." You can get all that by repeating the following Mantra at least 5 times in a mirror...
Look, If you want the world to be fair then you need to admit everyone's crap is equally smelly. PS. Gotta love the humor of a pelvic health educated PT and on that note
Number 4: Health leaders know a bunch of Crap but don't ever work with one that forgets that you are actually the healer
Speaking of my former full time day job, I admit, when wearing the role of your health provider, you may be thinking your insurance will be paying me to fix you up and take away your strain but let's address that pink elephant in the room for a minute. First of all, I left the insurance based model because that passive energetic exchange I just described is very common in it. This Lady Biz PT don't play that mind game anymore. That type of relationship is very disempowering to us both and I love both of us more than that. Second, we have a choice to make about how soon you want to feel better. We, as a team also deserve to have a say in the efficiency and overall expense of caring for your pain. Do your research, as a primary care provider I am going to save you the time and expense of a physician visit plus, even without insurance, you can use your FSA or HSA to pay. Make your choice about what is valuable to you. Trust me, I can send you over to go get an X ray at Urgent care if you really want the report . I will even explain the professional radiologist report just the same but I probably won't need it to make a professional plan of care and help you immediately feel better. Third, I value the many ways I can help you that insurance companies won't pay for like taking an entire 15 minutes up front to listen to your story. Fancy that, I value our relationship and the power you have to give me your opinion over your concerns thus providing only what you really want from me. Of course, if all you want from me is the magic pill, let's not waste each other's time or premium right? ( Hint, popping an Advil, sticking an ace wrap on you or throwing you on an exercise machine and walking away is not skilled level of care in my book. We both know you can do that without the degree). So you see, even if you come to me with something as physical as a recurrent ankle sprain that you know nothing bio-medically about. I will have the skill level to make you immediately feel better but , even then, unless you are receptive of my offer, there is not much I can help you, no matter who is paying the fee. You alone actually have a ton of personal power over your success in feeling healthy. You can either show up for therapy with me or not. You can attend and pay attention or keep missing your time with me. You can do your boring exercises that aim to discipline the body and remap your mind or not. You can ask me to make things more interesting and fun. You can keep wearing the same pair of heels out into the snow or the rain or you can ditch your love of fashion for certain moments and optimize your long term happiness. Do you notice the extreme power you have to change the direction of your life each and every day without having a single clue as to how exactly everything will turn out ? Do you live like that? Why would you even want to give away your self healing super power to me? Now, don't get me wrong. Self healing is in your wheel of awesome but that doesn't mean you currently know the most direct or least painful way. So that is why you pay me. That is the exchange. Own that. Value you are the healer. Value I am the supportive, counsel, educated resource that will save you time and minimize the struggle. So getting back to that huge obvious problem. No matter how big and uncomfortable being the healer is to view, the value of befriending the beast in the room and making a decision to deal with it is profound. Just surround yourself with the best support you need to own the struggle and I guarantee you will release a bunch of the pain.
Number 5: Do Not be Afraid of Making Mistakes
One of the biggest reasons we ignore the pink elephant in the room is the threat of making a mistake approaching her. The threat? Yes, it is real. The problem of it, Nope, not gonna convince me that is out of your control. Remember, we only fear what we can't see ourselves surviving. So see yourself surviving and becoming friends with the beast. Avoid looking at her straight in the eye if you have to, but that is actually walking in the opposite direction of a guaranteed solution. Looking at her straight on is the best way to not make a mistake. Plus, mistakes are actually not bad until you make them bad. In reality they are neutral choices. Concluding a choice was a poor or positive action is about our level of perception which makes neither have to be the truth for the other. I know you subconsciously know it or else you wouldn't spend the time thinking the simplest choices ( what shirt to wear to a party) over and over or use your energy to convince your teen of their impending doom. But, what if you just ditched the entire threat concept of making a mistake? What if you went full throttle into what ever choice you make? What would it feel like to be confident in yourself enough to say " What the hell, I know I may not be making the best choice here but I want to make it so I am willing to deal with what ever happens". I advocate for being mindful but in doing so, we must admit, the real threat might be that we only want to own the choices that have positive consequences and are always a comfortable solution. Understanding you may be deciding to suffer more does not need to be a beast. Only then are you truly free of the power of the stressor and redirect it's chemistry. What a never ending stream of personal wealth that potential holds.
In the end, we control nothing
Yes that is the truth isn't it. The earths gravitational field controls the seas, some cosmic force will control if the world stops spinning tomorrow and where will that leave me? There are times in our lives where we will decide that dealing with the huge elephant in the room is not worth our energy but let's also realize our power to control our reactions when we choose the option of saying "Hello Pinky!" to the smaller truths we may first try to avoid. Long story short, never sacrifice your personal health or financial stability or mental sanity beating yourself up to avoid keeping it very simple as an obvious solution...
Just K.I.S.S. THE BIGGEST PINK ELEPHANT IN YOUR LIFE
So does anything resonate with you? Do you have a personal story to share that would help your spiritual sisters? How are you addressing the pink elephant in your life? Let me know in the comments below and share the care with a girlfriend for me , will ya?