Ahhh, The Freedom to speak of Yoga as medicine again .......I find myself reclaiming freedom within my own voice by writing once again. As you see, I left this platform rather quickly. It just never felt quite right. For a few years I wrote for Empoweredmommies.com instead but that also feel prey to family chaos, another degree, training with my guru, training my own students , laying the groundwork for expanding my business and writing training programs for others as my alter ego, the Belly Guru. I know, WTF??? I am exhausted just writing that sentence but now I come back , to try out a more authentic voice again because I am hoping to find my tribe.
Busting out of my own shell ( A.K.A." Getting out of my own way")So this time around I am talking to myself , my alter ego , the Belly Guru. "Guru Gal, you were a hard ass shell to crack open. You did a wonderful job putting up a guard but your original message has finally been heard. I hear 'All is within reach' and now I have the tools to come out. My tribe is calling for more diversity and I want to offer more than yoga". Whew, after this whole year of major set backs I am still a bit burnt out. but I know you Belly Guru Gal, you were at the root of manifesting all of this through my subconscious and my past deeds. I just had to wait and you just needed to guide me into the perfect taste of hell to keep me motivated enough to not stay put while angry enough to redirect a busting out.
Taking on a new form to feel more like myselfI use the metaphor of a shell a lot in teaching Tree pose (Vrksasana) to clients. I say "Picture yourself as the seed or nut of a tree being forced into the ground". The objective is to take root while all the while having great hope for breaking free and touching the sky. In logic, it seems counter rpoductive but over and over I say" take the consciousness of a tree's effort". I want, At that moment, for my serious students to become the seed nut burrowing into a soon to be cold ,cold, hard ground. It will be even harder to spring forth from a shell after winter but nature deems this a necessary process in obtaining proper resources for survival. The intention is always to have the serious students get out of their own mind and in doing so get out of their own way. I know not all will listen and some will give up on themselves because they are not yet ready to approach the challenge by faithful realization of their max potential but I never give up on them that try.
I needed some things to change to reiterate that lesson for myself. In teaching to obtain the new form through consciousness my students get the experience of wanting to become a great tree rather than the physical feeling of a pose. Through this one becomes enlightened by the experience of the journey and not the destination. Experiences stay with you for eternity but destinations come and go. Dharmaji, my teacher has taught me well to teach from this consciousness in order to evoke deep personal healing within the soul and I have found that perspective to be the key to making yoga asana a prescriptive medicine. So why did I not prescribe it for myself? Well every teacher must listen to his or her teacher and I was blocked but at first I did not know.
Over the past year I have identified with the challenges of that little seedling like never before. First in the horror and uncertainty of having great potential being thrown to the ground. Next in the uncertainty and pain of being tossed and trampled under foot, tested by the jaws of life, access to limited lifesaving resources, damaged by nature and ignorant by the veil of time. Finally, by shear determination I wanted to hanker down into that hard cold ground and begin the inner work of transformation but it was just not my time nor the right space. Then one day about a month ago I said I was done and went into hibernation. I knew it was temporary but I could not dictate for how long. I let nature takes its course and My nature shifted into a new phase. Just as one day being winter and the next being spring, my truth aligned with opportunity and I was asked last week to play a bigger role.
"And the Tree was happy".
- final words of The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein ( 1964)
So here I write on the threshold of becoming my bigger self by claiming me alone as the tree. Now that I am more visible , my tribe will find me. While it is difficult saying goodbye to this milestone I am at peace reminded of the reason I set out to offer anything in the first place. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be free and as my guru's teaches I wanted to "Remember the goal is self realization". So I officially claim Lisa Holland as my brand. I thank The Belly Guru for being my shield and my client guide for the past several years but in the spirit of detachment, I publicly let you go.